Good Day Investor,
I am your investment advisor at the Bank of Grace. I’m here to tell you how to have a good retirement. First things first, let me warn you not to take financial advise from any other person(s) who are not qualified. They may offer solutions that are too risky and may return too much money to support your middle income lifestyle.
Let’s start with your goals. When would you like to retire? If your not sure a good target is age 65, that’s when you should be considering it. When would you like to buy your first house? age 32? Sounds good. What is your income like? $48,000 Great… Credit Score? Oh 650. Your in a great position!
Well I must follow Bank procedures, so the first thing I’m going to do is offer you a line of credit for $15,000. You will need this for flexibility you know… leverage your expenses. Secondly, let me set you up for an RRSP (401k), which we will invest in mutual funds. This is important for your retirement. Just make sure when you do retire, don’t take out all your retirement savings at once, or it will be taxed heavily. It’s better you receive $30,000 annually, which will afford you a wonderful quality of living in your latter years.
These days these mutual fund can return you between -15% to 10% return, depending your risk level. Remember, we will take 2.5% management fee, you will pay 2% taxes and we must account for 2.0% inflation that will decrease the buying power of your profits. So after that, you may come out with 1.5% annually. Provided you make this a 40+ year retirement plan. This should be $1 million by the time your ready to retire!
Next, I would like to offer you one of our complimentary high interest credit cards. Due to your high credit score, I am willing to offer you our introductory 19.99% interest rate. Great eh? I recommend only using the credit card for emergencies or when you have the money to pay it back. We wouldn’t benefit from this transaction, but it will be great for building your credit! This can help you get a better car or a larger mortgage! …
Okay almost done. Next I will set you up with overdraft protection, just incase you don’t have enough money to cover any of our automated withdrawals. PLEASE don’t use this feature unless you absolutely have to! Your security is much more important to us. After all, if a cheque bounces in your account, you don’t want to pay $35 insufficient funds charge. It’s much better you pay interest of 28% on your negative cheqing account balance…
I hope you are pleased with our services, we are always working to assist our clients in any way profitable… I mean profitable… oops so sorry, I mean possible.
If you have any questions do not hesitate to ask. We are always ready to service charge you.. I mean serve you better…
Yours Truly,
Banker X
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